Life's Not Fair!

Just in case you were wondering -
If your nine-year-old says, "I'm really pissed off," to his teacher and school administrator, it's not a good thing.  You know, in case you weren't sure.  I kind of figured that would be a No-No, but it got clarified for me this past week.

My eldest son had a difficult week - ALL last week.
On Monday, when I saw his teachers, they mentioned that he was "off" and not cooperative or polite.  So, since he has had a phenomenal past several months, I said, "Well, we all have an off day now and then."

 I told this same thing to my son, and mentioned that,
"Tomorrow is a new day, and we can be positive."

On Tuesday, as I was walking down the hallway, I got to witness my eldest throwing himself on the floor, throwing a notebook, and screaming and crying.  Isn't this what all parents hope to see when walking in their child's school?  I had a moment of thinking, "Can I quickly back out of the hallway unnoticed?  Or have I been ----" Too late.  I was seen.

My child was melting down in a way we have not seen in a long time.  It turns out that the teacher expectations for him were changed this week - he has been doing so well, we raised the bar.   Guess what? He was not okay with the change.  We sat him down and had a talk with him, went over expectations, and he seemed all right with the world again.

Remember, "Tomorrow is a new day."

Wednesday was good.  We had it all under control again.  Back on track!  (note to self:  never think it's "all okay" and we are "back on track").

Thursday, while helping another teacher clean.. .poop off the boys' bathroom floor (and some of you think teachers get paid enough?!?), my son's teacher spotted me and said, "Oh thank goodness you are here!  Do you have a minute?"
Hmmm, clean up poop off the floor, or get what can only be a negative report about my eldest son?  It was a tough call.

Meeting with teacher:  Well, your son was having a great day!  Then, when the entire class got in trouble for talking too much, he lost it.   When we tried to talk with him and calm him down, I (the teacher) was telling him, "No, this is just how it's going to be."  To which, my nine-year-old pointed his finger right back at the teacher and replied, "No, I'm telling you. . ."
Now the school administrator is called in to help.
This only causes him to escalate.  As the adults are trying to explain their reasoning to him, he is getting more and more angry, at which point he tells them all, "I am really pissed off!"

So, my son got to spend the rest of the day up in the office with the administrator.
At least I got out of cleaning up the poop.

By Friday, I was seriously contemplating purchasing some of those fake glasses with the big nose and mustache attached, so that when I showed up for dismissal, perhaps I could get through unrecognized and no one would come tell me any more "issues" about my child?

Turns out, Friday was fine.  Thank goodness, because I'm not sure either one of us could have handled another rough day.

All throughout the week my son kept saying, "Life's not fair!," and "I can't wait until I'm the grown-up, and no one tells me what to do!".  I get that he's feeling like his life is controlled by the adults around him - to an extent it is - he's a kid.  However, I struggle with the "Life's Not Fair" view, because there are children in our world who really, really do have an unfair life.  I don't want to traumatize my child by comparing his unhappiness with losing his electronics time with a child who lives in a crime-ridden, drug-infested neighborhood who fears getting shot in the crossfire of bullets, and hasn't eaten anything in a few days because there is no money for food. . .but. . .that child does exist, and that child's life is unfair.

I need for my son to learn to control his anger.  He must be careful with his words.  He needs to learn compassion and empathy for the those less fortunate, and appreciate what he has, which is a lot.  I feel like my husband and I try to impart these lessons on our children.  I feel like we read, watch the news, have conversations, and model these qualities.  As with everything else in parenting, a lot seems to come down to repetition.  We must go over these lessons over and over, and over and over again.  One of these days, hopefully they will "get it."

In an effort to help my kids understand the power of their words, I did a little teacher lesson I read about a while ago.  It had to do with bullying, but I think still applies to be cognizant of one's words.  After destroying their paper, and finding it terribly funny to do so - they seemed to sober up when they realized they couldn't un-do the damage they had done to the paper.  We talked about how it relates to using words, and that you can say "sorry", but it doesn't un-do what was said - or done.  We can only try to do better next time, to limit causing more damage.

I think they understood the point of the lesson, and remember,
Tomorrow is a new day.

Rockin' Run

I feel like I ran a marathon.

The paint of the baton came off on our sweaty hands.

In actuality, I only ran 13.1 - of a marathon relay.

This weekend was the Rockin' Marathon Relay.  Several months ago, I recruited a few mommy-running friends, and we registered as a team of four for the marathon relay.  Starting about a month ago, the mommy runners started backing out.  There were various reasons, all doing with - life.  It happens.  The last mommy runner backed out this past Monday - the week of the race.

I freaked out.  I knew I could run 13.1 of the race. . .maybe, maybe 15?  But not the entire 26.2.  I had not been training, and I really didn't even want to run the entire race - alone.  I asked a few friends.  It was too last minute, and no one could help.  One of the mommy-runners posted on Facebook asking if anyone was interested.  No one jumped at the opportunity.

Finally, on Wednesday - in a panic I asked a fellow teacher.  She is a runner.  She is a very good runner actually.  However, I know her weekends are usually quite busy, so I had not initially asked her.  I was desperate now.  I was in begging mode - so I went, fully prepared to open up a can of full blown begging, tears, if necessary.

She readily agreed!

Science Teacher and myself set up camp at the race.  It was a relay race, and we agreed in advance to divide the distance in half, and as each lap of the loop was 1.31 miles, we agreed to run two loops before passing the baton off.  Science Teacher ran first.

We both admitted that it took our first two laps for our feet to warm up enough that our toes weren't numb.  Luckily, the weather steadily warmed up - and it turned into a beautiful day.

By miles 6-7 my hamstrings were killing me.  "What's wrong with me?" I yelled at Science Teacher during one point in my loop, "I normally run 8 miles, no problem."
She said it was the killer hills and the gravel that was causing us problems.  I. Hurt.  And I still had another 6 miles to go. . .

Wonderful, amazing Science Teacher - who ended up running 14.5 in this relay, and is running another 5 mile race tonight.

There were a lot of hills in that 1.3 mile loop.  One of the hills rivaled Patrick Johnston Lane hill in Davidson - you locals know what I am talking about. . .that hill is the dread of many a runner locally.  So, we had a Patrick-Johnston wannabe hill on our loop, and two mini Patrick Johnstons toward the end of the loop.

Ten laps.  Ten times up those hills.

My legs hurt.
By my last two laps I felt like I could barely pick up my feet to clear the rocks and sticks on the gravel trail.  I honestly felt like I'd run the full marathon.

I thought this run would be a lot easier because I was splitting it with a friend.  She would run two laps, and then I would run two laps.  Which meant - I had a break, while she was running.  I was too afraid to sit during my "breaks" because I was afraid I wouldn't be able to get back up.  I did use the breaks as an opportunity to run to a different point on the course to cheer on Science Teacher (and she did the same for me), and to use the restroom, and eat fig newtons.  I have not eaten fig newtons in years, but they were on the snack table, and they were yummy.

As I approached the start/finish line for my final lap, Science Teacher yelled, "One more lap, you can do it."  Since I was breathing so hard I couldn't speak, I just motioned for her to join me (misery loves company, right?  Right!).  What did she do?  She joined me!  Science Teacher - who had already run her 13.1 - ran the final 1.3 miles with me, and we finished together, in under 4 hours.


We got a fun record medal for finishing.

When I first registered, I was supposed to run with 3 other women - so 8 feet running the race - we were "Gr8ful Soles" - which was the name on the back of our shirt.  Pretty cool.

We rocked the Rockin' Marathon Relay.
We earned our First Place Gold Record Award.

Who cares that we were the ONLY two women team, and therefore 1st place no matter what?

The Sweet Taste of Success

I had planned to write about my final week of the 21 Day Sugar Detox (21DSD), but it has turned into so much more. . .

I "finished" the 21DSD this past Sunday.  Why did I put the word finished in quotes?  Because I decided I did not want it to end.

Yup.  I'm convinced.  This detox was fabulous.  The first week, as I previously mentioned, was the hardest.  After that?  Definitely it got much better.  Once I started seeing and feeling benefits, I knew that I wanted to continue with this plan - with some exceptions.  I am not a total glutton for punishment.  I really, really missed fruit.

I have been a fruit hog this week - stocking up on nectarines, pineapple, cantaloupe, strawberries, and blueberries.  I am glad to have fruit back in my daily diet.  Honey and maple syrup are allowed as well.

But it is almost Friday and I have not had any junk.  I don't even really want it (although no one has put a brownie in front of me yet. . .).

It was an amazing feeling though, as Sunday - Day 21 of the Detox - approached.  It really was like running a race.  The first part was a bit tedious, especially knowing how much was still ahead, the middle was boring (come on already, let's wrap this up), and as the end came into sight - pride.  A major sense of accomplishment for completing a goal.  I did it!

The sweetest taste of all?  Success.  And we had it all week.  No extra sugar needed.

Today was the usually-dreaded Parent-Teacher conferences at school.  Going into the conferences I was hesitantly optimistic.  Things have been going very, very well (knock wood) - at least at home.  Both boys, but particularly my usually challenging eldest son, have been doing very well - with everything.  I am almost afraid of jinxing it all by writing/talking/thinking about it.  It's amazing though.

So, going into the conferences, I was hopeful that the teachers were seeing what we are seeing at home.  Who knows?  Even though I work at the school, I really try not to bother or check-in with the teachers, when it's not a scheduled time, because, being a teacher, I know what that's like - not cool.  So, I bite my tongue, and hope that all is well, unless I hear otherwise.

The conferences were - fabulous.  Both boys are doing really well.  It is sort of expected with our youngest son, in the sense that there have not been any major school issues to contend with for him.  For my eldest though (see numerous previous posts), this has been quite a journey.  Almost every Parent Teacher conference since pre-school (yes, even in pre-school) there is talk of:  difficult issues, meltdowns, should he be retained, incomplete assignments, negative attitude, etc.  It was to the point that I dreaded going to the conferences.

Not this one.

We sat down - my son's two classroom teachers, his EC-Resource teacher, my husband and myself. . .and stared at one another.  Wow!  We all broke into the biggest grins, and all knew - It's Good.  My son is good.  He is doing well - academically, behaviorally, and even socially.  He is happier.  He is on grade-level, and doing the work.  He is participating in group activities.  He is not grumbling about every thing.  We are seeing the same behaviors at home.  We are seeing - success.  He is feeling success.

Nothing is as sweet as this.  Nothing.

21DSD Pre-Planning & Week 2

Earlier this week, I started posting about my 21DSD journey.
Wanting to keep my blog posts a reasonable length, I didn't go into a lot of detail, so I will use this opportunity to give you some pre-21DSD planning, just in case you are interested.

I had ordered the book over the holidays.  Being the practical, realistic (OCD) person that I am - I knew to pre-plan this kind of "diet".  With my birthday being in early January, I decided to not start the 21DSD until after my birthday (I knew I was having pie on my special day!).

Over the holidays, I read the book.  It recommends a lot of pre-planning prior to starting the program, so keep that in mind if you decide to give this a try.
I started phasing sweets out almost two weeks before officially starting.  Not all sweets, mind, you, but cutting back on the sweetener I added to my coffee, passing on sugary sweets, and opting for fruit - that kind of stuff.  I added a few items to our pantry that I didn't have before - like coconut oil, coconut flour, and made sure we had plenty of spices.  I bought a single serve blender, for easy use of making smoothies.

The 21DSD also has a supportive website.  I registered my email, with my start date of January 13th.  This means that every day of the program, I receive a wonderful, supportive email - it contains a positive message (sometimes even funny!), meal plan suggestions, and a recipe.

I went ahead and made a large batch of the pumpkin spice pancakes recipe that is in the book.  They are fine to freeze, and then cook as needed.

Since my family decided to NOT join me on this oh-so-fun plan (yes, that's sarcasm again), meal planning has been a bit more challenging.  So far, I have had success making one meal for everyone, and then modifying slightly for my needs.  For example, I will make a chicken and vegetable stir-fry, which everyone will eat, but serve rice to the family, but put mine over spinach.  Or, I'll make a chili that everyone can eat, but the family gets garlic bread, and. . .I get to watch them eat garlic bread.

You get the idea.

But I just don't have time to make separate meals.

Now, I am two weeks into this 21DSD - it has gotten a lot easier, and I am thinking that my cravings for sweets is not as powerful.  I'm definitely not as tired in the afternoon as I used to be - and that alone is a huge positive.
Plus, I am already planning on continuing with a reduced sugar lifestyle after the 21 days.  I am looking forward to adding more fruit back into my diet (I miss strawberries and cantaloupe!), and I will also be able to have honey and pure maple syrup, if needed.  As of right now, I am thinking it is really not needed!  This past week, I made no-sugar added Paleo blueberry muffins that are fabulous, and tonight I made almond Paleo pancakes with no added sugars.  They are fine on their own.  My taste buds have definitely adjusted!

One more week to go. . .

No Sugar? No Kidding! Week 1.

It's the New Year - Happy 2014!

I am not a fan of "dieting".  I believe in eating right (healthy) and exercising regularly.  That said, I, personally, have a sugar addiction.  For the most part I eat healthy, and we try not to keep junk in the house, so as not to tempt ourselves.  But I've found that given the option of having a treat, I go all in.  I don't want just one cookie.  I want four.  One brownie?  Are you kidding me!?  It's a challenge not to eat the whole tray.  

So, my New Year's Resolution to myself was to try and break my sugar habit.  I like food.  A lot.  This was going to be difficult.

On the recommendation of friends, I got the book:  21 Day Sugar Detox, or 21DSD.  It has been very helpful with information, resources, recipes and - a plan.  I need a plan.  Same thing with running and racing.  It helps to have guidelines to follow, and this book has a Yes/No list of foods.  How much easier could it be?

It's not easy at all.  As of publishing this post it has been one week of the 21 day commitment.  One week down!  Whooo-hoooo!  Two more to go. . .

Honestly, Day 1 was the hardest, so far.  I wanted to eat one of my children.  The cat looked good too. . .and when one of my students was eating cheetos (which I never eat normally), I almost grabbed and scarfed the whole bag.  

Use willpower, I will.

So, instead of eating these fabulous smelling donuts that someone left in the teachers' lounge, 

I went back to my desk and ate peppers.  Mmmmm.  

Instead of eating tortilla chips with my chili, I had sunflower seeds.  Mmmmmm.

Are you catching the sarcasm?  It's there.

Now, I normally eat the raw peppers, sunflower seeds, apple slices, etc.  I do snack healthy.  BUT I also would have taken half a donut.  I would have had those tortilla chips with my chili.  

Not for three weeks though. 

I found myself ridiculously hungry that first day.  When I ran the next day, I was afraid I was going to pass out, so I figured I needed to eat more.  

There is a section in the book that addresses people who exercise a lot and how to modify the 21DSD to accommodate extra activity.  I thought I was following it, but I don't want to pass out while working out.

So I added a "cheat" of Greek yogurt, which is not on the approved list, but contains a lot of protein.

I also make sure to pack a lot of healthy "approved" snacks to carry with me at all times.  If I am hungry, I eat.  

The main reason for doing this was to try and break the sugar cravings, but also to improve my diet overall.  I had not realized, before doing the 21DSD how much sugar is in everything.  I mean everything - dressings, marinades, ketchup, mustard, nut butters, yogurts, breads, chips, and pasta.   It's already in things naturally such as fruits, but add that with all the processed junk, it becomes a lot!  Not just sugar, but even sugar substitutes are to be avoided.  I had thought I was doing well adding Stevia to drinks instead of sugar or splenda, but apparently not.  Sugar substitutes are apparently just as evil as regular sugar.

By Day 3, I noticed that I felt less tired, and more alert.  Could it be that eliminating sugar could result in me losing my afternoon slump?  Amazing.  

Today is Day 7 and I am finally not having ridiculous cravings for sugar.  I have made it seven days and the world is still spinning, my house still needs cleaning, and life goes on.  I do actually feel better.  

Can I make it two more weeks?  

This Past Week.

This past week, I learned a lot.

1.)  Teachers AND kids look forward to winter break - equally.  Both my boys, and myself were ready for winter break by the time we got to our half day of school last Wednesday.  The boys looked forward to not being in school, and I looked forward to having full days to get a massive amount of stuff done prior to the Christmas holiday.

2.)  Super-Woman Exists.  She lives in the mountains.  She gardens and reads and cooks really yummy food.  She puts up with my Dad.  She is Super-Woman every day. . .but twice a year, she offers to take my children for a long weekend. 
This past weekend was one of those special No-Kids weekends.

3.)  Redefine Romance.

I'm sure you are thinking, "Hmmm, no kids for an entire weekend!"  What could my husband I possibly do?

 

 

 

 

Sure, something romantic would have been nice. 

But, no. . .We had a more practical agenda.

 

 

 

4.)  "I have boys."  - That statement is said, like I have a medical condition. 

The towel rack was ripped out of the bathroom wall?  "I have boys."

The kids flooded their bathroom, and the water leaked down and damaged the kitchen ceiling?  "I have boys."

Massive amount of dirt, handprints, footprints (?!) on our walls from four feet down to the floor.  "I have boys."

Unknown stains on furniture and carpets that seem to be growing in size?  "I have boys."

 

 

So, my (wonderful) husband and I spent our kid-free weekend doing non-romantic things that involved caulking, sanding, painting, purging of toys and clothes, vacuuming, scrubbing, and spraying a lot of Febreeze.

 

 

"I have boys."

 

5.)  The best time to visit the Doctor is the day before a major holiday.

I have put off going to the doctor for several weeks now.  I have had a persistent, aggressive, and quite annoying dry hacking cough for a month.  I have tried a variety of at-home treatments with no success.  Finally, this past Tuesday I woke up (after a not-so-restful-night of hacking up a lung), and called the Doctor.

 

Not only did I get an appointment for first thing Tuesday morning, we arrived at the office, I was seen, and was on my way to the pharmacy in 21 minutes.  I plan to arrange all future illnesses and Doctor visits to coincide with days prior to major holidays.

 

6.)  I am getting old(er).

I have a birthday in a couple weeks.  Not that I am counting.  Since turning 35, I have been digging in my nails and holding on tight to the 30s. . .so as I approach 4-0, I feel a desire to stick my head in the sand, in a land called DeNial.

This leads me to my final lesson the past week.

 

7.)  Little kids are a lot smarter than I.

My boys got way too much for Christmas.  The main thing they got was an Xbox 360 and several coveted games they desired.  The system we bought only came with one remote, so we had to purchase a second remote.  Once the system was set up, the included remote synced with the system right away, but the boys could not figure out how to sync the second remote.

Eldest son, who is truly the apple of this tree, was quickly heading for Nuclear Meltdown over this technological blip in his Day of Joy and Electronics. 

I have no technological knowledge, but my wonderful husband was busy cooking breakfast, so it was up to me to handle this situation.

 

 

Banging the remote and pushing all the buttons did not work.

My expertise was exhausted.  With eldest son on the floor, and Nuclear Meltdown not far behind (for me, not him), I tossed the remote on the sofa and stalked off. 

 

What to do?  What to do?

Why, YouTube, of course.  I quickly typed in a search for syncing a remote with Xbox 360.  In a thirty second clip, a 5 year old child showed me and easily explained how to sync a second remote.

Problem solved. 

 

 

8.)  Finally, but certainly not least, I was reminded how lucky I am. 

Super-Woman (and Super-Dad) took the kids for a long weekend.  I know that's not easy - in fact it's downright exhausting.  But, they make the effort, and it's more than appreciated.  Because honestly, the best gift we got this holiday season?  The gift of time.  So, Thank You Super-Woman and Super-Dad.

I thank my amazing, wonderful, and supportive husband.  It was NOT a romantic weekend, but it was so nice to have quiet time together.  We did accomplish some much needed repairs and cleaning, and made time to go out to dinner at a nice restaurant.  While the weekend was not all romance and flowers, it was perfect.  I am the luckiest wife.

I thank my kids.  For all their challenges, they are incredible (---incredibly destructive), but seriously amazing young boys.  One thing I always enjoy about school breaks is that I do get to spend all day with my kids, and I get so many glimpses during the day of the intelligent, creative, fun, and sweet people they are and are becoming as they grow.

 

And also, Thank you five year old YouTube genius boy.  You saved this Momma.

Let's Talk About Success Baby, Let's Talk About You and Me

"Let's talk about all the good things
And the bad things, that may be."  - Salt N' Pepa

Seriously, the song has nothing to do with this post, other than when I typed in my title, it went along with this tune. . .

As any of you regular blog readers know, my eldest son can be a bit of a challenge.  He is a good boy, with a sweet heart - but I think of him like an M&M candy. . .He has a sweet interior with a hard candy shell. 

This school year is a big deal for all of us.  Because of his many challenges, we decided that we cannot keep promoting him through the grades, if he can't function on grade level.  We believe that a lot of the issues that we, his parents, and his teachers deal with are more behavior than academic.   If we can get the behaviors under control, the academics will fall into place. 


We have been working with him on his issues with a variety of support from the school, and outside the school.  What we have discovered, is that the more consistent his days, and the structure of his days, the better he does.  He needs continuity from school to home, in order to be most successful.

Ten days (or so) ago, we had an huge meeting at the school about my eldest son.  My husband and I had noticed a bit of backsliding with his behavior and attitude recently, and we wanted to catch him before it got worse.  We organized a meeting with all his teachers and a school administrator.  How many people were at this meeting?  Eight.  8.  Ocho.  Eight staff members, my husband and myself came together to discuss our son, and come up with a plan to help him be more successful. 

                                                     My kids have more than one caring adult.  How lucky are they?

During this meeting, which took an hour, I felt awe, appreciation, gratitude, amazement, and love - yes love - for all these people involved in my son's education, and his life.  These wonderful women, who are ridiculously underpaid for their jobs, came together for one hour for a meeting that my husband and I asked for earlier in the week - and came up with a plan.  We agreed that ALL teachers and my husband and myself included would follow this plan - for consistency between school and home.  This plan had clear goals and consequences.  We would all use the same terminology, to help be clear.

This plan has now been in effect for a bit over a week, and we are seeing tremendous success.

The plan was a culmination of efforts and strategies attempted over the past several years.  The one big difference?  We raised the bar. . .Instead of trying to work with where my son was currently functioning, we all said, Let's Kick It Up A Notch.  We told him, "We know you can do this, so let's do it."

The best part?  My son feels the difference.  He is happier.  Success means so many different things throughout parenthood:  Yay!  My child is talking.  Yay!  My child can walk!  Yay!  My child is nice to other children  - or whatever our goals might be for our kids. 

My son will have struggles for the rest of his life.  Many things that come easily or naturally to others are just not easy for him.  But, he has the most amazing team and support helping him to learn strategies and use resources that can help him better navigate this world that often frustrates him so.

The difference in our son this past week is night and day.  He is happier, more comfortable, and more successful in almost all aspects of his life.  With the firm foundation between school and home, he is willing to stand up, and work hard - even with a smile on his face.  We are so grateful to all the teachers and administrators.  I cannot thank these amazing women enough.  I learn from my son's teachers every day too, and because of them, I believe I am a better mother. 

While this plan is not "the answer" to all our hurdles with him, it is part of the positive behaviors that we are seeing from him, and most importantly that he is feeling - that's success.  Yay!