Teachable Moments.

Parenthood.  What a trip.

This past weekend was my husband's 40th birthday.  We went away for a long weekend, and it was a wonderful family time.  For the most part.

I think I've mentioned before - my kids are wide open.  They have endless energy and talk non-stop.  One of the most difficult issues I confront as a parent are the constant, split-second decisions that must be made - all day long. 

There are individual lessons, specific to each child, and basically, minor, for example:  My 7 year old has a habit of using scissors to snip off the ends of those plastic yogurt tubes, and then leaving them on the floor - or wherever else they may fall.  For the longest time, I would just clean it up, along with my regular floor sweeping.  However, recently, I realized, "He's going to keep doing this, if I don't stop and make him clean it up himself."  I needed to take the time to teach him that this behavior is not okay, and what my expectation is for trash.

This takes time.  It takes energy.  It takes me frequently repeating myself.  This. Is. Parenthood.

Then, there are the bigger issues and decisions, the ones that affect not only one person, but others. . .I promised my husband I would not document this transgression, as he feels I am creating a digital journal of our son's delinquent activities.  However, I think I can still convey the struggle of Teachable Moments.

 

I went for a run this weekend while we were in the mountains.  I have a two loop route that I run.  While I was running, the boys were out and about on their scooters.  On my final lap, I noticed that one of my children had done something he should not have done. . .As I walked my cool-down home, I found myself thinking, "This is minor.  Do I even bother to bring it up?" conflicted with, "If I don't mention this, he won't learn.  This is a Teachable Moment."  I have to mention it.  I have to use this as a learning opportunity, and I have to follow through with this, as much as I don't want to. . .This. Is. Parenthood.

So, I got home and rounded up all my boys (Dad included), and mentioned what I had found.  My youngest son immediately stepped up and took responsibility, which I totally appreciated.  This was a big step for him, because usually he denies any involvement.  So, I acknowledged that was good that he owned the mistake - but then the lesson?  The consequence?  How to convey the importance of making good choices and being respectful? 

I need a manual.  I need a handbook.  I don't know what I am doing.

Baby Blues 5/2/09

                              "Do you ever feel totally unqualified to be a parent?"
                                                "All the time."
                                               "In fact, the only time I ever felt qualified to be a parent was before I had kids."

These Teachable Moments - these frequent moments in parenting, in life, when we must stop, take a deep breath, and learn.  These moments are not just for my children, they are for me.  We all learn, and it's not always easy. . .but it's worth it, right?

Don't Skirt the Issues.

This summer, I am really struggling with my runs.

The weather has been horrid:  Hot.  Humid.  Torrential downpours.  All around yucky.

This week, I've come up with a new running mantra to try and help me through the rest of this summer sluggishness:  Embrace My New Pace.

I am running a lot slower - even walking at times - to get through my runs.  Even though I start my runs around 4:30-5am, in an effort to avoid the true heat of the day, it doesn't seem to matter.  I feel like I am trying to breathe through a mouthful of cotton.  I just need to accept that my runs will be slower and more labored, and it's okay. 

In an effort to try and stay cooler, other than running ridiculously early in the morning, I invested in an EnduraCool bandana (which can be found at your local Lowe's Home Improvement - not so shameless plug).  I bought the bandana with the realistic expectation that I would feel significantly cooler while running - and by cooler, I do mean temperature-wise, not awesomeness, although that would be an added bonus.

Not so much.  The instructions say to wet the bandana, then wring out the water, and "snap" the fabric to activate.  I followed the directions, tied on my banana (scarf style on my head), and off I went for a 6 mile run.  I honestly did not notice any temperature improvement.  Halfway through the run, I moved the bandana to around my neck, wondering if I might feel more of a difference with more skin contact.  No luck.

Just in case I am completely inept at following simple, three step instructions, I plan to try the bandana again, just to see if perhaps I didn't do it right the first time.  I'll let you know.  It would be nice if it really worked.

In a second fabulous purchase, I finally found a running skort that stays in place!  Don't get me wrong.  I love the ruffle skirt mentioned in previous posts.  I do think the ruffles add an extra zing to my step, but it's negated by my constant need to readjust the compression shorts underneath.  Very awkward.

At a group run recently another mother recommended the Brooks PR Mesh Skort.  I found them on sale this week, and bought two.  I did buy a size down in the hopes that might help the compression shorts stay in place.  I wore one skirt for a run yesterday morning, and did not adjust once!  Perfection.

Finally, as a side note update.  I rode with the Cycling Group again last night.  Not only did I improve my pace significantly, I am happy to report, I did not fall over with my bike at the end.

It's good to celebrate all successes, even the little ones.

 

Part 2: One Pill Makes You Small

It often frustrates me how people expect an "easy" fix to life's problems.  I've learned that working out and watching my nutrition is the best way to manage fitness and weight.  However, I know people who will pop whatever new diet pill comes out on the market, in an attempt to lose weight and get their dream body.  There really is no substitute for regular exercise and proper diet. . .but that takes too long, for some people.  It's not an immediate desired result.

I feel this way about medicating my child, as well.  It's not a long term solution to issues that he will deal with for the rest of his life.  Might he have to be on medication for the rest of his life?  Possibly.  But I'd rather he learn the skills and strategies for dealing with his emotions and behaviors, because I think, in the long run, it will help him more.

We have started a new program/therapy - Brain Balance.  These are "achievement centers" located throughout the US.  There is one about a 15 minute drive from our home.

This is a Behavior Bootcamp - for all of us.  The program requires an huge time and energy commitment, and rightly so - we are trying to break bad habits, create new healthy habits, and rewire my son's brain through various activities and exercises.

Our hope is that by the end of the program, our 9 year old has learned to control his behaviors and emotions, and be more responsible.  It's an huge undertaking - for all of us.  My other - more secret hope - is that he will succeed so much so, that he will not have to go back on ADHD medication for school.  I hope.  I hope.  I hope.

But I am learning, through all this "homework" that the center requires, that like working out regularly, this is no easy solution.  This is no magic pill.  This is hard work, every day.  Every.  Day.
And I am now realizing, that at the end of this 12 week program, that the hard work will have to continue - just like working out every day.

And just like some runs are really great, there are also runs that are complete disasters.  I can't get my breathing right.  Something I am wearing is uncomfortable.  I just can't go one. more. mile.  There will be Brain Balance days like this for us as well.

As always, it's not just about how we deal with the good, but how we deal with the bad.

We're shifting.

Part 1: One Pill Makes You Larger

How would you define "normal"?

I have had many, many moments in parenting, where I have thought to myself, "I wish he was normal," in reference to my now 9 year old son.  I would never, ever say that to him - but I have thought it.  Immediately, after thinking it I feel guilty. 

What is normal?  What would be sacrificed in order to have my son be more like other kids his age?  What if his differences were looked at as strengths instead of something to change or improve?

I'm not perfect. 
I know!  Sit down and catch your breath - because I know that has come as a shock to you. . .but, I am not perfect.

There are many things about me that might drive others crazy, but I think are pretty good traits, for the most part.  My husband often calls me the Steamroller of Productivity - which is his nice way of saying I am obnoxious about getting things done. . .NOW.  In a lot of ways, I like this about me.  I know I don't procrastinate.  People know to come to me, when something needs to get done, because by golly, it's going to get done.

I recently read the book, The Autistic Brain, by Temple Grandin (highly recommend).  She brings up a lot of the questions I asked above. . .What if we view autistic differences as strengths rather than weaknesses? 

My son is absolutely MY child.  He may look like his father, but his personality - the good, the bad, and the ugly - all come from me. . .and I can absolutely pinpoint a lot of it back to my father.  There is a lot to be said for genetics in these three generations. 

To an extent, I can celebrate my son's differences.  However, he also has to function as a part of a society that, for the most part, does not view his differences as strengths.  There are only so many accommodations that can be made.

For the past three years, it was recommended that we consider medicating our son, and for three years, we tried every other possible alternative (diet, therapies, behavior plans/charts, consequences/rewards, vitamins).  There was not enough "success", and this past January, we agreed to try ADHD medications.

His "success" is evaluated on his ability to conform to classroom and school environment.  Granted, our school is fabulous.  They really do make every effort to accommodate our son's needs - but again, it can only go so far.  They do have certain requirements that he must meet. . .and he wasn't meeting them.  So, we tried one ADHD medication.  It "worked" quite well for about 5 weeks.  Our son became a Steamroller of Productivity and positive attitude.  He was completing assignments for the first time.  He was working without arguing. 

He was not himself.

After 5 weeks, that medication stopped working, so we took a 1 week break while we tried to figure out another medication option to get us to the end of the school year.  During that week break, my son said to me, "I don't like the medications." 
"Why not?" I asked.
"Because it changes who I am," he simply replied.

How do I respond to that kind of statement?  What kind of mother am I to suppress who my son is inherently?  The medication acts more like a Band-Aid, covering up behaviors to get him through the day, but as he comes down off the medication (and it really is a come-down effect), he returns to himself. . .So I am essentially medicating my child to get through the school day.  The medicine doesn't help him change his ways.  It doesn't fix whatever is causing the behaviors in the first place. 



Hobbes: "You're working on your report already?"
Calvin:  "Yeah, I know."

Hobbes:  "It's not due til Thursday!"
Calvin:  "Mom says the pills must be working."

Hobbes:  "Well, see.  It's snowing outside and I thought maybe. . .
We could. . ."

Calvin:  "Sorry, what?  I wasn't listening.  I really have to finish this."







And why must he change?  It would be nice, of course, for certain behaviors to not be as impulsive or dramatic.  It would be nice if he could complete things.  But must we change who he is in order to achieve these goals?  I hope not. . .

Underwater Basket Weaving?!

I had quite the fitness week - great workouts, and lots of injuries.
I've been running (seriously) for almost two years now, with no accidents.  This week, I had two separate boo-boos.  Is it because I am approaching 30 ( +10)?

First of all, I had vehicle citation last week.  Again, I am not sure if it's because I am almost 30 ( +10), but someone forgot to register her vehicle, and got pulled over.  Being the weekend, I couldn't deal with it until business hours Monday.  So I was nervous about driving until I got that resolved.  Monday morning, I decided I would run to the gym - it's only 2 miles, and I can run 2 miles.  Apparently, not at 4:30am, on a new route. 
A half mile from the gym, there was an unexpected incline in the sidewalk, and I caught my foot.  I was carrying a water bottle in one hand, and fell awkwardly to the sidewalk.  I tore both knees of my running tights, scraping and bloodying my left knee, and scrapped and tore my right hand. 

Bad-a$$ runner that I am, I got up, kept going, and proceeded to do the hour long spin class before running the two miles back home. 

My hand and knee hurt, but I cleaned everything up, and moved on. 

On Thursday, I went for an early morning run with some friends - 9 miles.  No problems! 

But. . .Thursday evening. I ventured out of my anti-social comfort zone and joined a new cyclist group.  I'd been watching their Facebook posts for a few weeks, reading about the group rides, but feeling intimidated by their speed and experience.
The group meets at 6:50pm in the parking lot of the local YMCA.  I showed up on time.  Got myself ready (helmet, gloves, water bottle).  There were about ten or so cyclists there. . .and the skies opened up.  There was a tremendous downpour.  Some people took shelter in their vehicles, and a few of us huddled under a picnic shelter.  It was a quick, but tremendous rain.

I had warned the leaders that I was slow.  I think my pace was 14mph, and the majority (ALL) the rest of the group was 20+mph.  One gentleman was kind enough to ride with me, and the others took off.  I felt badly for the leader who stayed with me, as I know my pace was significantly slower than he could go - but he was very supportive and encouraging. 

Bike riding is still new to me, and I am still learning how to ride more competitively.  The leader was extremely helpful with suggestion gears, and being patient while I tried them out - quickly figuring out what felt comfortable.

We ended up riding 28 beautiful miles (the sun was setting, and we went down some side roads with big beautiful homes and yards).  At a couple points, I was nervous about wiping out, because of the heavy rain, and car oils on the roads, but we did fine.  I even improved my pace - to a 15.5 mph!

As we returned to the Y parking lot, I could see that one other cyclist had stayed behind, to make sure that we arrived back safely (very thoughtful).  Although when we pulled up, he admitted that he was about to come out looking for us.

We stood there, straddling our bikes, and chatting for a minute.  Then, in all my grace and sexiness, I reached up to adjust my helmet, and, not having unclipped my left foot from the pedal, tipped and fell right over. 

That's right. I rode 28 miles on wet, oily roads - improved my pace, and fell over with my bike while standing in the parking lot chatting. 

I'm a dork.  My friends think I need to add to my story that there was wine in my water bottle.  My husband says I need to tell people that I was rescuing a small child from oncoming traffic.  But, no, not me - I tip over, standing still, in a parking lot.

I added a new cut to my left leg, in addition to the cut from running Monday.

I also tore up my right ankle and calf with the right pedal and gears,







and re-opened my hand wound from Monday.




See, isn't fitness sexy?



Fitness Guru has threatened that one more injury - one more strike - and I will have to hang up my running & biking shoes and take up underwater basket weaving.

I hope underwater basket weaving is not on my horizon. . .no offense to people who enjoy that, but I would like to stick with my running and biking.

My latest workout: Reconnecting

So, I've been a Bad Mommy.

I'm righting that wrong, though. . .and it is my newest workout.

I always joke with people that when I am done with my running, spinning, bootcamp, biking, etc. that I then go onto my second workout of the day: Motherhood.  I joke no more - it is truly a workout.

Let me share a story with you about my motherhood. . .Get comfortable, this is going to make you feel like Parent-of-the-Year:
Whenever I go to Target (or out in public), I stare enviously at what seems like all other parents.  They are able to walk through the stores, sipping their Starbucks, with their children following along quietly with them.  I watch as they peruse the shelves for the item they need, able to read labels, and choose the item they want.  They talk to their children in tones that no one else can hear.  It's like the Twilight Zone, to me. . .Because the way I see myself in Target, is frantic mother - who has pre-mapped out the store, prior to the visit, organized my grocery list, by aisles, so there is no wandering around looking for anything.  Get what I need, get out.  In the meantime, my children are running wild, and by running wild, I mean, running wild.  I am yelling in that deep, "You get over here now and walk with me," voice that is not really a yell, but might as well be. . .My 7 year old asks for at least one item from each aisle, even though I always refuse to buy anything that isn't on the list, and he never has his own money.  My 9 year old is apparently an old man trapped in a young boys body, because we are not even five minutes in the store, and his feet hurt, or his legs hurt, and why do they have to come to the store with me, and is it time to leave yet?  I wish.

Now, I have just given the grocery shop as one example, but it's pretty much accurate for any public outing with my children.  It's exhausting.

So, being the Bad Mommy that I am, I have relied heavily on electronics.  I realize now, that was for my sanity, but of no help to my children.  Now, I've read the research.  I know a lot of screen time isn't good for kids.  During the school year, my kids only get 1 hour a day, after homework is done.  It can be TV, iPod, or computer, or some combination of all three, but only 1 hour.  Yet, if we went out to dinner, I let my kids take their iPods, so that I could actually have a meal in semi-peace.  Or, if I needed to make a phone call at home, I would let them have their iPods, in the hopes that I could have an uninterrupted conversation.

Are you reading all that carefully?  Because I had my head stuck in the sand.  I was doing all that for ME.  I was trying to give myself a break by giving my kids electronics.  It's not fair to them.

So, I got a kick in the rear this past week.  We are debating on enrolling our 9 year old at Brain Balance.  It is an "achievement center" that helps kids with certain issues (he has quite a few), gain more control over their behaviors, and help with academics.  Brain Balance strongly recommended that we limit electronic time to 1 hour a day, even in the summer (we were doing much more than that now that school is out). 

We started this past week, and it has been a lesson for me in reconnecting with my kids.  An important lesson.  An exhausting lesson.  It is truly my second workout of the day - and it lasts all day.

This past year I tutored a wonderful 5th grade girl, who also had a younger sister.  I kid you not, but I showed up on one occasion and they were sitting quietly outside having a tea party.  A tea party!  Sitting quietly!  Another time, I showed up, and they had just finished beautiful art projects that involved paint and glitter.  The house was spotless.

My husband and I joke about tea parties.  You come to my house, and the kids are dismantling the furniture.  At least one of them is climbing up on something.  They truly climb up walls.

I am scared to even bring glitter, glue, and paint into my home, because you can bet your next paycheck it won't be used for a beautiful art project.  Unless you count our walls and floors, possibly some linens, and almost guaranteed the sofa and carpet, as "art" projects.

This is not bad though - it is a good thing.  Right?  It has made me much more aware of being present - my presence - with my children.  It is challenging us to be creative with our time.  I am enjoying this - and my kids are doing quite well with the transition!  I think it has been a good workout for all of us.  Except, I don't want them to be too creative with their time:

I am referring to this as Operation W.I.N.E. (Wii, iPod, No Electronics).  We are all up by 8am.  My kids talk from the moment they wake up until they pass out at night.  Every thought that comes into their heads comes out of their mouths.   There is no quiet.  I could get them quiet with electronics, but Operation W.I.N.E. is in effect. . .and I feel that sometimes, with the constant chattering, it is pushing me towards Operation WINE (as in, give me a drink right now).  Of course, now, it's turning into Operation WHINE (ha ha). . .

Seriously, I am glad to have gotten this back under control.  I am glad that my children are embracing Operation W.I.N.E. more than fighting it.  We are spending time at the pool, at the tree fort, outside playing, parks and playgrounds, even baking together.  My kids are actually (slightly) more calm without all the electronics throughout the day.  It's healthier this way, for all of us.

And wine is a fruit, right, so it's healthy? 

Wash, Rinse, Repeat.

Sunday morning I ran with a friend.  We met at the "butt-crack of dawn" (her words) in order to run before our families woke up, so we would not be infringing on family-time.

As we ran, we talked.  As we talked, I processed.  I had a few "a-ha" moments, and a lot of laughs.

Listening to my early morning running friend, I realized that one of the main things I love about running is the sense of accomplishment I feel from it.  There is so much in my life - the life of a mother, wife, educator, etc. that is incomplete, or in a constant state of what my Mother and I refer to as Groundhog Day. . .The dishes are NEVER done.  The laundry is NEVER done.  Stuff gets done, but it's never completely finished.  Honestly, I don't know about your households, but the second I put away the last dish from the dishwasher, there is a sink full of dirty dishes waiting to be loaded. . .same thing with laundry. 

As my parents frequently point out, there is no "finish-line" with parenthood.  Even though the kids grow, and hopefully move out and on, they are still our kids. . .we still worry.  We are still (hopefully) involved in their lives. 

Running gives me a sense of accomplishment, of completion.  I have run several half marathons.  I have run a marathon.  I have completed duathlons.  I set a goal, I work towards it, and I finish it.  It is a wonderful sense of achievement - each and every time. 
Even a Sunday morning run, with no medals or t-shirts, brings an huge sense of success.  I ran 9 miles before 7:30am.  I feel good about the run, and I feel good about myself.

There is not a lot opportunity in my life (I don't know about yours) where I can replicate this sense of completion and success.  I love my job.  It's a lot like parenthood with ups and downs.  There is no promotion in teaching though.  There are no big bonuses or raises.  There are little moments of success, and frequent moments of doubt.  Same thing with motherhood.  We have had a lot of positive moments lately, particularly with my "challenging" 9 year old.  However, for every up, there is a down.  And again, there is no finish line. 

So, while I love motherhood, and I love teaching - My happy moments while running give me a sense of completing a goal that gives me a much needed pat on the back, that helps me handle all the other moments in my life to which there is no end. . .I know I can - because I do.

When people comment negatively on my running or exercise, "Why do you do that to yourself?" as if I am inflicting some form of self-punishment, I can't help but think -

What do you get to do in your life that brings you a sense of accomplishment?